Photo: Lynne Moran Photography

Silencing the Doubter Within:  Reclaiming Self Trust

Why do we listen to our Inner Critics, allowing them to influence our lives, decisions, and the way we problem solve?

In moments of chaos or challenge, like those I shared in my first post, staying grounded is essential. An important part of that grounding is trusting ourselves and our abilities, which is why the Inner Critic can be such a tricky opponent. 

That voice is there, questioning, casting doubt, and disrupting our sense of strength and resilience—often at the worst possible times.

Brené Brown talks about the Gifts of Imperfection, and I love her perspective on embracing our whole selves, imperfections included. It’s a freeing idea, to know that self-worth and personal contribution don’t require perfection. This mindset is a big part of something that I am exploring at the moment about playing to our strengths and giving what we have, as we are, to make room for others to do the same.  (More on this in the future!)

If we’re honest, most of us have an Inner Critic; some of us just learn to tame it better than others. But even the best “beast tamers” can struggle to quiet that inner voice. 

For some, it’s a nagging voice from childhood, for others it’s shaped by school or society. But more important than where it comes from is how much power we give it.

Looking back, if I had listened to my Inner Critic as I lay bleeding on the deck after my shark attack, I might not be here to write this today. She would have told me I was too weak to survive, that I’d never make it through. It took that extreme moment, along with other big life lessons, to understand that my Inner Critic had no place in the decisions that mattered most. 

She’s loud, yes, but her voice isn’t the truth.

For me, naming my Inner Critic was a game-changer. I gave her a harsh, unpleasant name—one that I won’t share because I don’t want to give her any more relevance than she already has. But by giving her a name, I made her into something distinct from my own inner voice. She has become a character, something outside of me.

I know what you’re probably thinking: Justine, why would you give your Inner Critic a personality? Doesn’t that give her more power?

Actually, no. Naming her helped me see her for what she is—a voice I don’t have to listen to. She is someone I wouldn’t turn to for advice in real life, so why should I listen to her in my head? Giving her a name created space between her voice and my healthy self reflection, the kind of self assessment that’s essential for growth, even when it’s hard to do.

By making her an external character, I could look at her criticism more objectively and decide if it held any truth. Often, it didn’t. And when it did, I could address it without the toxic tone she brings to the table.

If you’re struggling with your inner critic, try giving it a name. A friend gave me this tip a few years ago and it’s been a game changer.  (You know who you are – thank you so much xx)

Create some space, let that voice become a separate entity, so you can sift out what’s true self reflection and what’s just unnecessary negativity. 

Turns out, healthy reflection isn’t the same as self criticism. That voice that builds us up—even if the insights are challenging—is our own.

When we quiet our inner critics, we’re better equipped to bring our true strengths forward. And that, in turn, allows us to contribute meaningfully, as I’ll explore in other writings that I will share with you in the future. 

So, to my inner critic (and maybe to yours)… Go away.  I’ve got work to do.